Mr. Kim came to Canada; he had dreams; did he realize them?

(지난 호에 이어)

But there was misunderstanding. For Kim, Nancy’s love for him was obedience; for Nancy, her love for her father was communication and sharing. 

Nancy wanted her father to share her feeling about the sky, the flower, the mist on the leaves of cucumber plant early in the morning. She was writing a poem in her heart.

She wanted to talk to the birds flying high; she wanted to ask the birds where they were flying to.

She wished her father could share all these. This cultural and psychological gap could not be resolved; it needed time, a long time.

After their arrival in Montreal, Kim and Nancy had found themselves in much smaller space and had to see each other much more often. This facilitated, in a way, their close contacts and provided a chance to know each other.

However, both Nancy and Kim had to survive physically and psychologically. And they needed each other to survive. This led to a new father –daughter relation focused on the cooperation for the survival.

Nancy needed her father for financial survival; Kim needed Nancy for the management of the depanneur. In fact, they became a partner. Therefore, their relation became horizontal in nature instead of being vertical. This was something unfamiliar to both Nancy and Kim.

Nancy gave up her romantic expectation from her father; she became more and more independent and developed self-reliance in her pursuit of happiness. Nevertheless, she kept a strong sociological attachment to Kim, she greatly appreciated Kim’s hard work and enormous sacrifices.

In short, the immigration has created a situation where the father and daughter were able to develop a new kind of relationship based on the mutual respect, cooperation, more practical dialogue and greater self-reliance in the pursuit of the objectives of life.

Owing to this new relation, Nancy could choose appropriate path of education and career; she found a spouse of her choice; she developed a small universe in which she was happy. This is a success story of post-immigration father –daughter relation.

Kim remembered all these and felt pride and satisfaction. He felt that he did something good; he tried to convince himself that he loved Nancy in a constructive way.

Kim’s relation with Paul was something else. It was more difficult. Kim’s relation with Paul before immigration was one of friction and Paul’s complaints. Paul was in fact angry.

As far as Paul was concerned, Kim was not good father. He witnessed psychological suffering of his mother; he thought that his mother was lonely, always slave of family obligations, little time to go out and meet friends and, above all, waste of her university education.

Paul, at the age of 12, thought that it was his sacred duty to protect and care for his mother. To him, his father was no more than a stranger living under the same roof.

One day, he tried to talk to Kim about a fight he had with a kid at school. Paul thought guilty of beating up the kid. So he wanted to talk to Kim hoping that he could say something so that Paul could justify his fight.

“ Father, I like to talk to you”, begged to Kim.

“Son, I have no time. Later!”, was Kim’s reply.

Obviously, Paul felt angry; he thought that Kim did not care for him; he doubted of Kim’s love for him. Paul did not know the heavy pressure on Kim; he did not know how insecure Kim felt in his job, because he did not have right network of connections which were vital to ahead in career.

Whatever the reason justifying Kim’s cold attitude toward him, Paul could not understand; he did not know the complexity of adult’s life in Korea.

While they were in Jeju-Do, Kim wanted to talk to Paul.

“Paul, what do you think about going to Canada?”, Kim asked this question already, but he repeated it.

Paul hesitated to answer for a moment, because he had told his father that he did not like the idea. Paul’s thought was complex and complicated. It was not easy to think clearly and answer clearly.

What dominated his thought were his complaints about his father’s role as family head and husband. And on the top of it, he now had to give up everything he had built up including the network of friends. In short, Paul thought that his father was asking too much.

“ Father, why do we have to go to Canada? I do not like the idea. I am happy in Korea with my friends; I do not like to learn difficult foreign languages; I want to stay in Korea with grandmother; you go to Canada without me”, shouted Paul.

Kim became a little angry to see Paul’s violent reaction. But Kim tried hard to understand. In fact, he felt guilty for not having established sound relation with Paul. Since this incidence, Kim did not try any serious conversation until he arrived in Montreal.

Paul’s attitude changed radically after he arrived in Montreal. The big change was that he had to see his father every day and he felt the pressure to cultivate more sustainable relation.

One thing Paul noticed was that his father was a faithful household head who tried very hard to house, feed and meet the needs of his family. Paul realized that his feeling toward his father in Korea was a little childish; he decided to open up with his father.

Paul had hard time in learning French, but succeeded in being accepted by a regular school in the NDG area. At first, it was not easy to catch up with other kids who were born here. He did not know how to get along with other kids; he was poor in developing a good relation with teachers. One day Paul decided to tell Kim his worried and expectations.

One afternoon, after the school, Paul went to Kim’s depanneur and tried to serious discussion. But Paul was not sure how his father would react. Nevertheless, Paul tried his chance.

“Father, I feel lonesome at school. The kids do not want to include me in their gang; the girls giggle whenever I speak French with Korean accent; the teachers seem to be more severe with me than with others”, said Paul without conviction. (다음 호에 계속)

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